Parts Unknown: The Habitual Rapist Aliens Capper!

Hello folks. Dustin again. After a  needed break from my last review i have returned with a new installment of my series. This may be popular with the James Cameron's "Avatar" fans because the Aliens in the comic i read today are just as ridiculous.

This review can't be backed up by cold hard facts because i can't find a product description of it on the comic itself, or anywhere on the internet. My guess is the company that made it are trying to hide it's shame. But this being the second issue of the series I was a little lost reading it. Not that I'm not lost anytime i read one of these crappy comics that were put on my  shoulders by the evil fates that watch over me.

This story was written by Beau Smith and Penciled by Brad Gorby.(If i had to guess what they are up to now, i would assume running from the nationwide manhunt for multiple multiple rapes.)

The overall story is that Aliens have hidden themselves among us, mostly in corporate positions of power, effectively controlling the human race, without anyone the wiser. Only two people know about this alien invasion. Mel Gibson from 1989, and his plucky female sidekick. And what do they do about it? Tell the government? The press? Or option 3, shoot some motherfuckers in the head? Any idea?

                                 (Welcome to earth, you little scale covered bitch)

Oh, and when i said it was Mel Gibson, i meant it. I was not being silly.

                      (Fighting intergalactic wars, one abusive phone call at a time)


Now the average Joe would infer that Mel gibson and plucky sidekick are trying to save the earth. It's most likely the right answer, but I being the non average fellow i am don't think this is the main story line. I think Mel Gibson and Plucky sidekick are working freelance for a radical "anti aliens who rape" group. They aren't trying to find a super alien weapon that is going to blow up Earth. Or preventing a deadly virus from being unleashed. They just hunt down aliens and cap their asses....But the aliens just always seem to be attempting to rape attractive females. Now like a good defense attorney would argue that there is no picture evidence to prove that these aliens are committing rape. Fact. But like a good public defender, my rebuttal to this is a mound of head turning evidence.

                                    ("jI neH wIj 'oS" Klingon for i want my lawyer )

Well folks as silly as this comic was i still wasted a few hours reading and  writing this review. So I'm going to go grab my tin foil hat, and try to get Mel Gibson to help me stay safe, hopefully when i call him he won't tell me to "SMILE AND BLOOOOOW ME!!!"

Otis Goes to Hollywood!

OTIS GOES TO HOLLYWOOD.

                                        (My biceps have biceps on their biceps)

Well, God damn it all folks. It's Dustin again and i am unfortunatley reviewing yet another Crappy comic book. As i introduce this article i must apologize for any swearing you may encounter, due to my complete and utter frustration to the fact that someone woke up one day and said"Yes, Today i make my dream of Otis going to town real!"

Otis was written and illustrated by Bob Fingerman.( You deserve to die, And i hope you burn in hell!)

Let's just get it out in the open right now. Otis is a combination of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film "Commando" and the pornographic film "Deep throat." No you didn't hear wrong. The story starts as Otis, an amnesia stricken black ops marine goes to Hollywood in search of his Twin brother Craig,the only person he remembers. Craig also a black ops marine. Immediately arriving in Hollywood Otis magically finds a porno film studio, in which his brother Craig works part time when not killing terrorist cells. The comic doesn't explain this next part well, but what i interpreted was that the porno film director offers Otis his brothers job because they are twins

Quickly Otis takes over the porn industry around the Hollywood area donning the stage name, i shit you not"Oscar Mayer Otis." Now i don't know if this is great marketing or ruining hot dogs for me with every passing thought. 

                                        (........Yummy?)

So Otis continues working the porn circuit and stumbles onto a porn actress(No pun intended) who dated his brother Craig. With no new information about his brother Otis decides to date this woman who is named Lucy, and they fall madly in love. Two pages later Otis is on another porn set which is appropriately themed in a military warzone. So Otis is shooting machine guns while going to town on another porn star, named krystal, who he thinks he is developing feelings for.(You read that right)

Meanwhile on another porn set, Craig shows up on Lucy's porn set, pretending to be his brother Otis just so he can bang her. Word gets back to Otis in unrealistic time and for about 1 page Otis runs from his porn set screaming "CRAAAIIIIGGG!!!!!"

The final act of this sticky,Paris Hilton flavored comic Otis finds Craig sleeping with Lucy. Otis kills Craig by literally flicking his head off. Then he calls Lucy a cheating whore and dumps her. Otis then marries porn star interest number 2, Krystal and they retire from pornography. The final panel is the two kissing as Krystal hands Otis a lunch pale as he leaves to go to work as a Butcher.The subplot of Otis having amnesia is never resolved.

This story was harder to read than it is to watch Schindler's list. This comic is an insult to comics and graphic novels. For every Alan more, there is a Bob Fingerman. Fuck you sir. Fuck you very much for having to put your sick amnesia porn star fetish idea onto pad and paper. Well folks, i am going to get online to find a sniper rifle, Bob fingerman and i are going to have a certain chat about me being the last thing he never sees.

                        (Poor krystal, retired from porn and still has meat in her face)